Thin Places: Where faith and life meet

Remember your calling - stick with it.

Second Part of Address to Baptist Ministers' Refreshers Course (25th September 2012 @ The Hayes in Swanwick)

In my first blog post, I looked at the need to keep Jesus at the centre of everything we are and do as church leaders. If we are to stay fresh in ministry, then we must also remember the call of God on our lives. David Livingstone once said, 'If a commission by an earthly king is conisdered an honour how can a commission by a heavenly king be considered a sacrifice.' So often, when we face hard and difficult times as church leaders, the only thing that keeps us in post is the conviction that God called us to ministry. I can think of nothing else more powerful when it comes to staying the course than simply remembering that Jesus asked us to do this. C.H. Spurgeon would tell those who came to him in exploration of their 'ministry' that they should only enter pastoral and church leadership if they knew that they had no choice but to obey the call of God.

Paul's language about God's call.

The Apostle Paul was clear that he was 'called' or 'commanded' by God to his apostleship. As an older man writing to his young protege, Timothy, Paul could say, 'I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith' (2 Timothy 4:16). His language in his letters indicated that he considered himself to be a 'slave' or a 'servant' of Christ, called by his Master into the work that Paul gave his life to. A glance at the way in which he introduces himself to many of his audiences, tells us how deeply he felt this sense of vocation (Romans 1:1; Galatians 1:1,11-12,15-16; 2 Corinthians 1:1). As he thought of his life and purpose, Paul traced it back to the conversion experience he had on the road to Damascus and he referred to this calling on a number of ocassions (Acts 9:15, Acts 18:9; Acts 22:17-21).

In a very real sense, the apostle felt 'constrained' to his ministry. Of course in one sense, Paul had a choice to say 'no' to what God wanted, but in another he had no choice at all. One of my favourtie works on Paul is the biographical tome by F.F. Buce entitled, 'Paul - The Apostle of of the Free Spirit.' What a beautiful title for a book about this great leader of the early church. Paul was 'free' precisely because he was fulfilling the purpose for which He had been made. In answering the call of God, Paul became the person God wanted him to be - there is no freerer place to be.

What about us?

So much can be made of having the right qualifications, ticking the right boxes, knowing the right things, having been adequately trained. I agree with all of that. The almost Luddite tendencies that sometimes sweep movements or churches when it comes to training, preparation and investigation of call are disappointing at best and downright foolhardy at worst. For me, preparation, submission to goldy counsel, 'proving your ministry' and continually learning, developing and changing are vital indications of a genuine call. Do we ever stop learning? I'll pick this up in another post shortly, but is there ever a sense in which we 'arrive' in our knowledge and experience of God? I hope not. We must be continually being changed and being open to learn and grow.

The problem for me is. however, that all the learning and all the studying and all the preparation in the world will not create or give you a call to pastoral and church leadership if you do not already have it. Of course, study and development may hone a call - but I am convinced that they cannot create a call. Now here is the controversial thing I want to say - there are many, many people who ended up pastoring and leading churches who have not been called to do it. They are to be commended for their stamina, but they are pursuing the wrong path.

You see it in the eyes of those who have become cynics. The women and men who look on their churches as their property, or talk about 'them' and 'us'. You hear it in phrases like 'this church doesn't understand me' or 'these people will never change' or 'this is driving me into the ground'. Of course there are times when our ministries feel overwhelming. Moments when we feel our preaching is useless, our prayers are powerless and our leadership is futile and fruitless. Yet we can, if we are not careful, allow the negative, the difficult and the hard to swallow us up - it is the 'call' of God that keeps us when everything else has gone. We do this because if we do not, we will not 'be' trully ourselves.

Personal lessons in calling.

There have been a few ocassions in my own life when I have been ready to quite this vocation. I have even, on one or two days, asked God to take the call away from me so that I can do something else. Yet I cannot. On one ocassion, many years ago, I wrote my resignation and was about to post it - but simply could not do it. Why? Because deep down in my gut, like a rock in my stomach, I knew that I was doing what God had made me to do - I still know that. It's what keeps me going in the hard and difficult times. God made me for this.

I've pastored and led churches for nearly twenty years now. I have made many mistakes. Said things I wish I had not, done things that I regret. I admire people who look back on thier lives and say that they would not change a single thing. I admire them, but I also wonder about them, to be honest. It feels a little bit like reverse pride to me, but that is another story. There are things I would change in my ministry. There are decisions I would have made differently, situations where I made a wrong response. I don;t look back and bemoan my utter failure and hoplessness, though. I look back and thank God that He never once walked out on me. He believed in me enough to stick with me when I got it wrong and teach me how to get it right. He has never stopped believing in me - and that has made all the difference. It's kept me going. It keeps me going. It inspires me.

I said 'yes' again today.

I think I haver learned that at the heart of my own calling (and I cannot speak for anyone else) lies a simply yet powerful conviction. Every day I have to say 'yes' again to Jesus. About a year ago I was leading a meeting in Gold Hill. There were about 200 people present and in the middle of a time of worship, I felt the Holy Spirit was asking me a simple question. 'Malcolm, if I ask you to stay here for 25 years and nothing changes, will you still pour out your heart to these people? Will you love them and care for them and shepherd them whether they love you or not? Will you hold them in your heart, even if the weight of carrying them feels as if it will break you? Will you weep with them, laugh with them and challenge them?' It was a powerful moment for me that no-one else knew was taking place. I looked around the room and I saw a woman whose husband was dying. A man whose mother had died recently. I say someone with learning difficutlies. I saw an older couple who have poured their whole lives into God's Kingdom. I saw two elderly ladies who are like missionary exorcet missiles but who are having to adjust to limitied circumstances physically. I looked long and hard at this small group of people and thought about what serving them for the next 25 years might mean. As tears rolled down my face, in my heart, I said to God, 'Yes - I will do whatever You want, just give me the grace to do it.'

Now I do not know if God has axctually asked me to stick around here for that length of time - but I do know that He has asked me to be willing to. Since then we have had a blast as a church - but it has not all been easy. We have made big decisions, we have lost beautiful people to disease and sickness. We have baptised many, dedicated a lot and buried a good number. There are times when it is hard and there are times when it is easy. This is the thing that keeps me here, though. This simple clear commitment that God asked me to make when He called me. I said yes to Him because He called me. I remind myself of it every morning. If I don't, I know I will end up looking at things the wrong way. I'll use the wrong lense and apply the wrong logic.

Freedom in ministry springs from saying 'yes' to Jesus not once, but every time He asks you to do something.

Faith in a Flourishing City Birmingham Prayer Breakfast Friday, 22nd June, 2012.

 

Introduction.

This morning, as I was making my way to the Council House, I met a man on the bridge just outside the ICC. He was looking very troubled, so I stopped to ask him if he was okay. He was a successful businessman, with little or no financial worries, but he told me that he was unhappy because of some issues he was facing in his private life. He was contemplating whether it was worth living. I spend a few moments talking with him, then offered to pray for him – he was very grateful for that, telling me that he knew that he was missing ‘something’ at the centre of his life. It was a powerful encounter that actually brought into sharp focus what I want to say to you this morning.

 

I am privileged and honoured to be asked to address you this morning in the Council House. I have spent many years in Council Houses – just not ones quite like this – having been born and brought up in a council estate in Northern Ireland. Thank you so much for the invitation to address you today.

 

The Constituent Parts of a Flourishing City.

What is a flourishing city, and what place does ‘faith’ play in such a city? Again, on the way here, I saw some things that articulate the component contributors to a flourishing city. From my hosts’ home I could see the canal – a reminder of the great heritage of commerce and trade of Birmingham. As I looked through the window I could see people working out in the gym on the other side of the canal. I walked through centres of commerce and shopping malls, glanced into the reception of Ballantyne’s Gym, passed the ICC and Symphony Hall and passed some of the centres of political power to get to the Council House. I also passed several churches. On one of the brown tourist signs on the roadside there were directions to the Jewelry Quarter, St Philip’s, St Chad’s, the City Centre and the Symphony Hall. I passed the site of the new library, and outside the Council House saw the BBC news being broadcast on a massive open-air screen, not to mention the Titanic installation just outside. All these things point to some of the constituent parts of a thriving, flourishing city – commerce, statutory services, culture, the arts and media and communities of faith. For any city to flourish we need all of these communities playing their part. Each with their own strengths and weaknesses and each bringing their own identity to the table of the city so that the city can flourish and grow.

 

A Tapestry of Many Strands.

 

The Commercial Sector

We need the innovation, flare and resources of the commercial sector. Too often those in business and commerce have been viewed with either suspicion or disdain by the public sector, the arts and culture sector or the faith communities. We must be careful not to miss their vital and vibrant contribution to a healthy and flourishing city.

 

The Arts, Culture and Media Sectors

The arts and culture sector bring a richness and depth to a city that is incredibly important. When we see them as frivolous, we miss the point of the arts. They create spaces – both physically and in the hearts and minds of citizens, to reflect on the beauty of our lives and the both the strength and the struggles of our communities. Without them, we can turn oil painting of community into a charcoal drawing of existence – life looses its colour. We cut their funding and minimize their importance at our peril.

 

The Public Sector

The public sector provides a wonderful base for service – and should be at the centre of putting people first. In the many years that I have now been working with elected politicians and public officials, every single one of them originally entered their sphere of work and life because they wanted to make a positive difference in the lives of people in their community. Some may have lost sight of that high ideal, but they all embarked on the road of public service ‘to make a difference’. We should honour them for that.

 

The Faiths Sector

Then there is the faiths sector. I am proud to count myself in their number. Faith communities bring an ability to connect with harder to reach people, a deeply person-centred approach to life and the longevity of commitment to our communities long after the latest funding rounds have been withdrawn or the initials on community transformation initiatives have changed again. We are in our communities for the long haul. But we bring more than our presence – we bring hope and the space and opportunity for people to reflect on the deeper things of life and society. We are a vital part of a flourishing city. One particular moment in my own life reminded me of this very strongly.

 

Some years ago I had a meeting in Glasgow with a colleague called Martin. He was working to help the Church of Scotland connect with the poorest communities in the city and I was on my way to meet him to discuss some ideas of how that might work. Having lost my way slightly on the way to the meeting I eventually found the right road, and on the pavement just a few hundred yards from the venue for our meeting, someone had written in large black letters ‘I miss being close to God’. The same thing happened this morning here in Birmingham except this time it was a man on a bridge wondering what to do with his life.

 

Put bluntly, cities cannot flourish without faith communities. I would go one step further – cities cannot flourish without God. Too often city officials, commercial leaders and those in the world of arts and culture want the activities of faith communities but do now want the faith communities themselves. Let me put it another way. You want what we do, but you are not willing to accept who we are. I am afraid that approach has always failed – and it always will. If you want what faith communities do in a flourishing city – and we do a lot – then you must allow us to be who we are. We cannot apologise for our faith. It is both illogical and unreasonable to expect to have the energy and engine of our activities and services without also allowing us the space to have the inspiration and fuel of our faith. Our faith motivates us – take away our motivation and you will be left with an engine that does not work. Let me explain that further.

 

Faiths Communities not ‘The Faith Community’.

I am not a pluralist. I was not brought up in a Christian home, but instead came to faith as a teenager, experiencing a conversion to Christ. I cannot apologise for Jesus and His place in my life because He has never apologized for me. Yet I often find myself in situations, both in central government and in local government, where it is assumed that the various faith communities all believe in the same thing, really – don’t we? There is a deep ignorance of the illogicality of such a position at best and at worst a trivializing and marginalization of the importance of faith in our lives.

 

Of course I celebrate and welcome partnerships across different communities of faith. There is much that can be done together as Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Christians, Jews, Janists, Baha’is, Buddhists and Zoroastrians work together for the good of the wider community. We each contribute to flourishing cities.[1] But we are not the same. In fact there are glaring differences in different faith communities. To try to make us look and sound the same is like trying to make all political parties look and sound the same. As a Christian, I believe that Christ is the ultimate and complete revelation of God – He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. No other faith community holds this view and it contradicts many of their teachings and convictions. So I do not want to hide my distinctiveness, I want to honour it and be clear about it – but that distinctiveness does not exclude me from playing my part – it simply means that we must be clear about who we are and what we do and why we do it. The religious culture in the UK has long since left the realm of believing that all faiths believe in the same God – we recognize that we do not – but government and others still try to squeeze us all into the dame world. That is a fatal error. Let us be ourselves. Instead of blending us all into some kind of ‘smoothie’ of faith, let the constituent parts of the different communities of faith relate to one another from their positions of distinctiveness. There are important reasons for this

 

1. The Importance of drawing people into a flourishing city.

As a young man, I remember listening to an interview with John Hulme, who was at that time the leader of the SDLP in Northern Ireland. He was explaining why he had embarked on secret talks with the IRA. When challenged on why he had taken the step he responded by saying that you do not create peace by talking to men of peace – you must also talk to those not yet committed to peace.

The same is true when it comes to creating flourishing cities and communities of cohesion. Often the passion, energy and commitment of people of faith is found in those who have a more traditional and conservative position in their own faith communities. I myself am politically progressive but theologically and spiritually conservative. Those in the conservative ends of different communities of faith need pathways of working with others that enable them to be true to their own convictions about God and His place in their lives whilst at the same time being able to work with others in a whole plethora of activities and commitments.

 

In effect – if you want to create a flourishing and cohesive city, you must make room for the diversity of people of faith. We need to move beyond the mush of multi-culturalism and enter the much more exciting ground of poly-culturalism, where communities can collaborate but can also celebrate their identity. This is the only model that can pull Europe, let alone Britain, back from the brink of fracture.

 

2. The Importance of allowing personal faith to express itself publicly.

My faith is, of course, a personal decision, but it has very public consequences. You cannot with any level of clear thinking or philosophical rigour, expect me to have a private faith that has no public consequences. My faith affects every area of my life. I am not a Jew or a Hindu or a Sikh or a Muslim – I am a Christian. It is my Christianity that shapes my view of society, culture, my neighbours and myself. It is my allegiance to Jesus Christ that causes me to understand my role in the world.

 

It is a failure of philosophical and political understanding to assume that faith is disconnected from wider life. For a umber of years now, politicians have made absurd disconnections between public life and private faith. You can no more separate these two constituent parts of my identity than you can ask me to disconnect my masculinity from my fathering. It is like asking a politician to disconnect their political convictions from their political life.

 

I think that one of the reasons for this error lies at the root of our challenges as a society – that is the confinement of our understanding of morality and ethics.

 

3. The importance of a larger moral framework.

There are many people here today whose whole worldviews have been shaped by our faith – indeed if your faith does not shape your worldview, I wonder really what impact your faith has had upon you at all? Housing, education, employment, healthcare, the environment, international relations, foreign policy etc. are all ‘moral’ issues. I cannot lock my faith away in a box and pretend it has nothing to do with my life and my view of society any more than I can lock my lungs away from the rest of my body and expect to live!

 

Morality affects every decision we make and every view we hold. It includes, but is not confined to, traditional issues of sexual morality and issues of personhood.

 

It is precisely because I believe in the dignity of all people and the importance or right contexts for relationships, behavior and conduct that I commend my colleagues in the House of Bishops for their comments around marriage a few weeks ago. Morality is not a dirty word – and we must be careful not to turn it into a political or behavioural football.

 

4. The importance of understanding tolerance properly.

Ironically, in our pursuit of becoming ‘tolerant’ we have shown the greatest and strongest intolerance toward those who have a conservative view (in the ethical rather than political sense of the word) of issues such as sexual conduct, marriage, and the right to life. In a week when we have seen the morality of tax-avoidance hitting the headlines as well as the issues of economic collapse across Europe and the raging debate around same sex marriage my observation would be that to label some of these issues as ‘moral’ discussions and others as nothing to do with ‘morality’ is nonsensical.

 

You may not agree with what I say – but to tell me I have no right to say it is quite another thing! That strikes me as the greatest and most challenging threat to our democracy and our flourishing possible. To dismiss bishops or Christians such as me because you disagree with us and to label us as ‘intolerant’ is to display the greatest intolerance of all. Not only that, but it also runs the deep political and social risk of abandoning debates about right and wrong, conduct and ethics or what is morally acceptable or unacceptable to the wider landscape of political and religious extremists. We do this at our peril. It was that pathway that led to the collapse of the Weimar Republic in the inter-war period in Germany.

 

If we are to create genuinely tolerant, flourishing and cohesive cities and communities across the UK, then we must accept that there is a valid and vital discussion to be had with those of us who believe that one of the reasons that we face the challenges we do is our abandonment of some core moral principles and a an inherently Judeo-Christian framework. That framework inherently connects societal health with community morality and in turn links community morality with personal ethical and moral choices. This connected trail is fractured at our peril. I wonder if the reason we face the societal crises that we do is precisely because we have tolerated and condoned this separation for too long.

 

You can move a building, but you cannot move its’ foundations.

 

In 1953, when Elizabeth the Second was crowned, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Moderator of the Church of Scotland gave her a bible. The words spoken to her are important to remember:

 

“Our gracious Queen: 
to keep your Majesty ever mindful of the law and the Gospel of God
as the Rule for the whole life and government of Christian Princes, 
we present you with this Book, 
the most valuable thing that this world affords.

 

Here is Wisdom; 
 this is the royal Law; 
 these are the lively Oracles of God.”

 

My challenge to you this morning is this: in the sixty years of her reign, the Queen has not wavered from her promises and commitments that she made in her coronation. Twelve successive Prime Ministers and their governments, of every political hue and colour, have led the United Kingdom to forget these important truths. We have neglected the truth of the words of the coronation at our peril. We have, in the name of ‘tolerance’ and ‘multi-culturalism’ tried to change the foundations of our society. The truth is that we have lost our moral and ethical centre and called it ‘progress’.

 

A flourishing city means many things but a city can never fully flourish until its people flourish – and people cannot flourish whilst their spirituality is downplayed. And we downplay spirituality most dangerously when we make ourselves the centre of our own moral universe.

 

The Importance of the Church.[2]

 

Whilst not wishing to defend the many errors of judgement of the church over the years in Britain, I do want to celebrate our contributions to our nation. We are at the heart of welfare services, social care, youth work, community development and education. We run some of the best programmes, schools and support packages in the country. Without us, the UK welfare structure would collapse and in every region of the United Kingdom, our departure would lead to social breakdown and a crisis of such proportions that the economic challenges of the last few years would look like a minor trifle.

 

We are committed to playing our part in the UK. We want to be at the heart of a flourishing Britain, not just a flourishing Birmingham. The issue is not our willingness to serve; it is the political fear of discussions about what is actually wrong with our nation. You cannot gag the church in the areas where you disagree with us, then ask us to contribute as a ‘service provider’ in your programmes. We want to be partners with government, the commercial sector and the arts and cultural sector – but be careful you do not turn our desire to partner into either making us a miniature form of yourselves or a cheap and rather embarrassing cousin at the family table where we discuss and deliver the vital components of a healthy society. You need us – and we are committed to serving you – but you can’t dictate to us.

 

We operate in the presence of government and in the presence of the commercial sector and in the presence of the arts and cultural sector – but we are not in your pockets. We need each other.

 

Conclusion – A Better Conversation.

 

Alexander Solzhenitsyn suffered for many years because of his faith in Christ. He would not deny his allegiance to His Saviour. Amongst the many challenging things that he said, let me remind you of two.

 

Firstly, when asked to explain what he thought had happened to Russia that brought the country to the state it found itself in when he was imprisoned, he replied that he could sum up the collapse of Russian hope and morality in one simple sentence - ‘Men have forgotten God’. My deep fear is that the same can be said not just of Britain, but also of Europe – ‘We have forgotten God’. The UK is like a boat sailing desperately close to the rocks of moral bankruptcy. We are being navigated by men and women who themselves appear to have either lost their compass or broken it. What is far more dangerous is that they are covering their ears and ignoring the warnings of those who can see the rocks and do not want the ship to go down. What is true of Britain is true of Europe.

 

Secondly, however, we must remember another quote from Solzhenitsyn. The line between good and evil, he argues, does not separate nations or tribes or even religious communities. The line between good and evil passes through every human heart. That includes my heart and yours.

 

Our nation needs a better conversation. One that is humble enough to accept that much of our moral experimentation of the last fifty years has led to greater enslavement not greater liberation. The idols of materialism, greed, sexual liberation and individualism have left us dangerously close to the rocks.

 

If we are ever to flourish then now, more than ever, we need to rediscover this simple truth: we need each other but we need God.

 

Thank you.

 

Malcolm J Duncan

June 22^nd 2012.

 

[email protected]

Blog: www.malcolmduncan.typepad.com

Facebook / Twitter: MalcolmjDuncan

01753 887173

y.

 

 

 

 

---

[1] My book. ‘Building a Better World: Faith at Work for Change in Society’ (Continuum, London, 2006) unpacks this further.

[2] For a fuller expansion of the role of the local church in community transformation please see my book, ‘Kingdom Come: The Local Church as a Catalyst for Social Change’ (Monarch, Oxford, 2008)

Join me for the induction at Gold Hill Baptist Church - in person or via the web.

 

 

Hi Everyone,

This Saturday (18th September) I will be inducted as the new senior pastor of Gold Hill Baptist Church in Chalfont St Peter, Bucks. It promises to be an amazing time - and I would be thrilled if you can join us. The service begins at 6:30pm, with doors opening at 6:15pm. 

If you are too far away and would like to join us for the live webcast of the induction, then you can do so by simply clicking on this link: Malcolm Duncan's Induction

God-Gazer

 

Hi Everyone,

 

A massive thank you to everyone who has commented so positively on this poem, which I wrote recently. Feel free to download it and do what you want with it.

 

God bless you all - if you want to check out the charity that I lead and what we do, then click here -you can make an enquiry about me preaching there to, which many of you have been asking me about by text or email.

 

God bless you all

 

Malcolm Duncan 

God-Gazer

 

I want to be a God-gazer,

captured by the brilliance

that springs from the radiance

of You.

 

I want to be a God-gazer!

Not a cheap food grazer

or an easy option lazer.

I want to be a trail-blazer

for the ordinary, everyday life.

 

I want to be a God-gazer -

not just copying the halcyon ways

that shimmer brighter in the haze

of by-gone rays and the good old days.

 

I want to be a God-gazer!

Looking beyond the trappings of success,

cutting through the stucco of respectability

like a laser piercing darkness.

 

I want to be a God-gazer!

Reaching for the stars and

seeing beauty in the moment by

becoming fluent in the language

of the God Who is here, Who is now.

 

I want to be a God-gazer

until my imagination is saturated;

until my thirst is sated;

until my passion is stirred;

until my intellect is stretched

as far as it can be;

until my yearning yearns

for others to be free.

 

I want to be a God-gazer -

not a meetings manager

or a people pleaser

or a 'tea and sympathy' vicar -

not a leadership trainer,

not just a speaker

but a seeker.

 

I want to be a God-gazer...

and for a moment I want God

to gaze through me.

I want others to see

His eyes

Heart

Mind

and Love

above everything else in me.

 

I want to be a God-gazer

captured by the brilliance

that springs from the radiance

of You.

 

Life-giver!

I want to be a Life-giver

not a life-sucker.

I want my life to be releasing

not appeasing or placating.

 

I want to be a Life-giver,

A drainpipe without blockages,

A circuit without stoppages,

A connector without breakages.

 

I want to be a Life-giver!

A 'you can do it' releaser,

A 'have a go' preacher,

A 'you were born to do this' pastor.

 

I want to be a Life-giver -

Seeing rivers flow, not die,

Seeing others rise and fly,

Helping friends reach for the stars

even if they sometimes miss.

At least they can say they tried.

 

I want to be a Life-giver,

Generous in spirit and in heart,

Letting the forgotten make a start

at being Life-givers, too.

 

I want to be a Life-giver

because I am a God-gazer

not because it's about me

but because it's about Him

because life can't spring

from any other 'thing'.

 

I want to be a Life-giver

connected to the Source

and pointing to the Son -

standing in the shadow of the Light

celebrating Him.

 

World-changer.

I want to be a World-changer

not just a furniture re-arranger

or an 'it could be better' winger

or a 'have the left overs' stinger.

 

I want to be a World-changer!

A doer, not just a talker.

I want to spread the clothes of heaven,

No more or less than a poor man's dreams,

beneath the feet of Jesus.

 

I want to be a World-changer -

'Cos on a morning many winters ago

the tomb was open

and the curse was broken.

Death had to let go

and re-creation burst out

of an old wineskin

like water from a geyser,

Like the cry of a child

pushed into the world

and nothing

would shut Him up.

 

I want to be a World-changer

because it's started...

because the vanguards on the move...

and love is pushing out hate

and light is shining out

and darkness can't understand it

beat it

change it

hide it

kill it

stop it

win.

 

I want to be a World-changer

because there's safety in this danger.

There's meaning in this purpose.

There's joy in this mission

and too many others are missing

the power of life in all its fullness.

 

World-changer? Life-giver? God-gazer.

God, break in - then break out

Fill - then make me leak.

Plug me in and push me out.

In me, through me, around me.

Make me a Patrick.

Make me a Brendan.

God-gazing, life-giving, world-changing.

Captured by the brilliance

that springs from the radiance

of You.

Malcolm Duncan

January 2010

(c) Malcolm Duncan

For more info, please contact [email protected]

Soul nourishing solitiude

Hello everyone!

I trust you are all well. I am doing very well and continuing to improve. Now able to speak - although I can't raise my voice in anyway and there is still little or no power in it. I went to a music practise in The Chapel this evening and was able to play my clarinet and saxophone. It was fantastic! A single note can express a thousand words and it was just soo special to be able to lose myself in the music. I may have been limited in the words I spoke - but boy, did I feel a release in playing and praising God. 

I think I have overdone it yesterday and today, though. So will be careful tomorrow Feeling tired and drawn tonight, but was really encouraged by a card I received from a friend today - MNB! What a blessing. 

I have my appointment for my test results and to discuss what happens next - Thursday 19th November at 10:45. But I have real peace about the outcome, as you know and am looking forward to seeing the consultant and asking when I can start public speaking again. My prayer would be that I can talk using a good mic in December, but I will absolutely follow their advice and guidance.

The wonder of solitude.

Don't you feel a tug, a yearning to sink down into the silence and solitude of God? Don't you long for something more? Doesn't every breath crave a deeper, fuller exposure to His presence? It is the discipline of solitude that will open the door.

Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline, Page 134.

Those of you who know me well will know that there has always been a very strong contemplative part to my spirituality. I've been committed to spiritual disciplines such as meditation, simplicity and times of solitude for years. Lectio Divina, an ancient form of prayer, has been part of my daily practise for over twenty years and Celtic spirituality and practises are very important to me. I think that is one of the reasons that I have really enjoyed this extended time of silence and prayer and solitude. Rather than being a time I have feared, it has honestly been a time I have enjoyed and cherished. Think of it like getting the chance to spend some quality time with your very best friend, doing the things that you really enjoy, and you will begin to get the sense of how this time has felt for me. Physically painful and in many ways uncertain, yet at the same time intimate and special and wonderful and warm and strong. I've felt like I have been taking a walk in the autumn leaves, kicking them with my father. Again, if you know me, you will understand how powerful that metaphor is.  In the garden and grounds around where I live there are hundreds of trees and at the moment there are literally thousands of leaves on the ground - despite my friend Freda's best efforts to clear them! Almost every day I walk round the grounds here and spend time with God - just kicking leaves. I did it today - and it was great. I felt like a tiny little boy being watched by a very big, very strong, very interested Father. Today I just spent a little while running around the grounds and kicking leaves - literally! If someone had walked in they would have thought I was a bit off the wall (no funny comments please) but I have never really been overly concerned what people think about my relationship with God. At one point, it was so intense that I was convinced that there actually was someone behind me watching me and laughing. I stopped and thought about turning round - but decided not to. The feeling was so intimate, so special, so personal that Ifelt like I didn't need to turn round, like to do so would be to rob this very special moment of faith and intimacy of its faith element by needing to see Someone whom I knew to be there anyway. God watched me kicking leaves today - because He always does. Today wasn't a special day, I was just in the place where I felt Him more today - and we all need those moments.

Mylene Klass.

I don't know if any of you have been watching the Children in Need specials about celebrities travelling round the world in 80 days? Last night's programme featured John Barrowman and Mylene Klass. They stopped off in Arizona and spent some time with people who thought they channelled aliens! One of the things they did was some meditation, to try and 'make contact'. Of course they didn't and both Mylene Klass and Barrowman chatted about it afterwards. But Klass was moved by the fact that these people took time to stop, to listen and to focus their thoughts and centre themselves. She said she had NEVER done that before - she'd never taken time to stop, to be alone with her thoughts and her feelings. She'd never allowed herself the luxury of solitude and stopping. So today I prayed that for each of you - that you would discover some space and power in solitude.

Father,

Thank you for solitude. Help us today to find mini-retreats that last a second, or a minute or an hour. In the midst of commuter trains, at office desks, in busy business meetings and with children screaming for their dinner, help us to discover a different beat and to live in the music of a different melody. Help Your people to avoid the temptation of filling every moment with 'doing' because the fear of 'being' makes them hide from You. Loosen the grip of the demand of the moment, replace the tyranny of the urgent with the beckoning of the important. With threatening letters on their desks, negative voices in their heads and harsh hands reaching to grab their peace, provide a moment of solitude. 

Give Your people a glimpse of the warmth of aloneness with You. Help them to remember that the absence of others never equates to Your departure. When spouses have become distant, friends are far away and help seems impossible, remind them that in the silence and the solitude Your Spirit rests. God, in whose hand our very breath is, let solitude become a rod of strength for Your people today. Strip away the props and the facades and the unnecessariness of things and ego and stuff and demands and replace them with a solid, stake-in-the-ground assurance that Your are watching us.

Help us not to try and hide from You. when we stitch clothes together with fig leaves of pride and power and control, call out our names in the heat of the day. Let us hear the words that penetrate beyond our excuses and calendars - call out to us in the moments of our hiddeness - Malcolm, where are you? And give us the grace to respond. Take away the wrong fruit - blackberries included - just for a moment and enable us to bear fruit that will last.

Thank you that there is so much more of You to know, to experience and to discover than we can ever begin to understand. Take Your people on a journey to a new place, a deeper place - where the leaves on the ground become a playground for us. Let leaves of regret become tokens of redemption. Let the autumn colours of unfulfilled hopes become the ochres of a fresh new dawn. 

As we stand knee high in leaves, alone with You in the silence, give us the grace to know that in that moment You are standing right behind us, with Your eyes twinkling with love and a smile on Your face because You love us and take joy in us. And give us the faith to stop - and not feel the need to look behind, but instead the complete assurance that You are where you have always been - and we do not need to prove it because we never need to prove You. You have proven Your love for us by an empty tree and an empty grave - we need nothing more.

Amen

The rest we take between two deep breaths

Hello Everyone,

Wow! Thanks so much for the encouraging emails and texts and other messages you guys have been sending - such a blessing to know so many people are willing to take the time to send an emal or an SMS or a card and stuff - bless you all.

I got two very special things today. One was a letter from my mum! She NEVER writes - because she is getting older and struggling with writing and things like that. I was so touched and really, really appreciated her sending me a letter. The other was a beautiful card from Debbie (my wife for those of you who don't know!) which has a quote on the front from Etty Hillesum. It says:

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two breaths.

How great is that! We so often rush through things and miss the beauty and the wonder of the moment God gives us. Buddhists call it the ability to 'be present in the moment'. Christians talk about centred-living or simplicity. Whatever we call it, it is the ability to really be present, to listen and feel and see and hear and experience the sheer and unadulterated truth of the moment in which we find ourselves. I've tried to do that today and in doing so have prayed the same thing for each of you. This morning, I lay awake from around 3am - 6am. At first I thought it was just because I was sore and couldn't sleep, then I realised it might be because God wanted me to do something with that time - to listen to him, to rest in the darkness of my room and be physically and spiritually still. So I decided to use an Ignatian spiritual discipline and simply pray the Jesus prayer in my head and heart. Over and over again, I simply mentioned the name of Jesus - and each time I felt myself sinking more and more into God's glorious love and grace.

The darkness became a blanket of safety and security and peace. The warmth of Debbie next to me became a tangible reminder of the promise of God's warmth and presence and love. The scent of my pillow began to remind me of the sweetness and intimacy with which God has wooed and loved me through the years. I heard the children getting up and down in the night, or one of my sons talking in his sleep and they reminded me of my dependency on God - for every breath, every thought, every second of my life. I heard the noise of deer in the car park outside and was reminded that God has set my feet on high places. I heard owls calling to one another and remembered that even in the watches of the night the Holy Spirit speaks and carresses and loves God's people. I started to pray for each of you - asking our Father to caress you through the challenges and concerns of today. I prayed that each moment of stillness today would become a moment of holiness - a thin place for you. I asked God to take the challenges and the strains and the difficulties of this day and wrap them in his soft and gentle love so that you might feel the impact of today - but not be hurt by it. Instead, I prayed that you would sense Him in your footsteps, feel Him in your shadow, hear him in the laughter or the cries around you. I prayed that whatever you did, you would know the unsurpassed pleasure of the God who loves us enough to hold us - and ocassionally let us fall, so that we might become stronger and clearer and deeper in our love for Him.

Then I got the card and the letter! How amazing is that? God is so much aware of all that we face and all that we need. I knew that these days of silence would be moments of blessing - but I had no idea just how much He wanted to renew my intimacy and connection with Him. He doesn't need to do that - He doesn't need me! Yet He chooses to draw me in, to protect and nurture and strengthen me - wow!

Wrote this prayer for you all today - God bless.

Father,

There are people I love today who will face unchartered waters.

Be the hand that holds their vessels strong and safe in the midst of crashing waves and howling winds.

Be the light that safely guides them through this storm. Like a North Star shining through the clouds, let the light of Your love and grace shine through the clouds that try to hide Your presence. Pierce the darkness of despair, the fog of fear and the haze of hopelessness. Shine Your light onto the paths in front of Your peoples' feet - guiding each step toward Your path, Your way, Your safety.

Be the breeze that blows upon Your people today Lord. A breeze that blows away the cobwebs of regret and scatters the drizzle of despair. Let Your breath whisper to Your people through the singing of a bird and the chatter of children.

May they hear words of hope and strength, words that remind them of a brighter and clearer tomorrow. As the storms cease and the waves subside, be the quiet lapping at their boat.

Let their vision be clearer.

Let the storm have cleared the skies to leave new visions and vistas for Your people to see.

Let the waves give way to a fresher, brighter and bigger horizon than they ever thought possible.

In the quiet after the storm may Your people see you once again - in their boat, where You have always been.

May Your presence and Your gaze drive away lingering anxieties and fear and may they hear you whisper their name - as only a Father can whisper the name of their child.

As You whipser their name, in that one word let them know that You understand and care and love them enough to never, ever walk away.

Remind them that is always enough that You are there - and that You will never be any where else.

Amen

Reflections on a Christmas Dawn

Hi Everyone,

 

Continuing to improve. Went out for a little while today and have been working most of the day on the laptop and writing some letters and cards. Catching up with people and ploughing through some of the work that has been building up. What a wonderful sense of God's grace I have had today. Was praying for a smile while Hugh Murray walked down my path with a bundle of ironing - God's messenger to me at exactly the right moment! Feeling quite sore and drained tonight though - but refreshed and blessed at the same time! Couldn't sleep last night - was in quite a lot of discomfort, and so I got up to watch the dawn and was reminded of something from a while ago.

 

A couple of years ago, around this time of year, I had a real epiphany and it came back to me this morning as I was preparing for the day ahead - and praying for each of you. I looked out what I wrote then and here it is - I discovered it was just as relevant now as it was then.

 

From 2007 - in preparation for Advent...

 

This morning, as I went about the task of preparing for the day ahead, I silently sat out side the chapel schoolroom and watched the sunrise. The air was cold and crisp and I could see my breath form in little clouds as I gasped in and out the oxygen of life. All around me was still except for the leaves of the trees that were falling like nature's snowflakes onto the ground all around me. As the sun rose, it's light relentlessly pushed away the darkness around me. Nothing would stop this darkness being dispelled. Not just this morning – but every morning. This ritual, which I often try to catch a glimpse of, infuses me with hope and joy. It is God’s way of reminding me in nature, of the spiritual reality of advent and the true meaning of Christmas.  I love the following poem by St. Thomas Aquinas:

Light of lights! All gloom dispelling,

Thou didst come to make Thy dwelling

Here within our world of sight.

Lord, in pity and in power,

Thou didst in our darkest hour

Rend the clouds and show thy light.

 

Praise to Thee in earth and heaven

Now and evermore be given,

Christ, who art our sun and shield.

 

Lord, for us Thy life Thou gavest,

Those who trust in Thee Thou savest,

All Thy mercy stands revealed.

We mark advent every year – but I am not sure we are always that good at celebrating it! It’s a time when the church, through our long history, prays prayers of longing and waiting. We sing songs of hope and promise. 

 

It’s a time for longing and yearning by remembering.

 

I want, this advent, to walk this season with you. Through it I hope we can each take up all of our needs and yearnings and longings and call out to God ‘Come’! Yet we cry, ‘Come’ knowing that as we approach Christmas, Christ has already come! He has already pitched His tent amongst us. He has already shared His life with us. He has entered into our little joys and sorrows, our yearnings, our pain and our pleasures. God has already broken into out world – but not just into the big, bold world of someone else. Advent reminds us that He has broken into our world. He walks our contradictions with us. He knows that we can start a day felling on top of the world, and finish it feeling like the world is on top of us! He knows the lethargy and apathy we feel one moment and the energy and passion we feel the next. There is no way that God could come nearer to us than He already has because He has already become the Son of man.

Yet still we pray ‘Come’ in advent. And we do not just pray it mindlessly, without feeling or emotion. We pray it with a depth of yearning and longing which the word itself cannot capture. I see the world around me, and the people I love here at The Chapel and Warham and in other places caught in such struggle (or enjoying great joy!) and I don’t just say ‘come’ I cry it! That prayer of longing erupts from my breast like a long held gasp of air that must be expelled otherwise I will not make it. And here is the secret of advent, perhaps, that we often miss. Because in this season we not only acknowledge and wonder the first coming of God amongst us, we yearn for the second. This is the key that we often forget. Advent invites us to stand on the strength of God’s first coming in anticipation of His return. The solid, historical reality of the birth of the Christ child guarantees that the Parousia or the coming of the great King Jesus will be as strong and solid and real.

 

Advent means that my hope is grounded, fixed, dependable. The first gasp of breath by the baby in the manger in Bethlehem almost 2,000 years ago is directly connected to the shout of God on the day of Christ’s return – the voice that will call us to meet Him in the air is the same voice that cried for His mother’s milk in the cave-stable outside Bethlehem.

Christ is out eternal advent. He is the One who came, and will come, but Advent also reminds us that He comes to us now – by His Spirit. God is not the One who is always to come, but never comes. He is not the One who is beyond our reach or our grasping. He is not some distant voice that plays with our emotions and teases our hearts. He is not just the figure in the background of our past or the small dot in the distance of our horizon. Advent reminds us that the God who came is both the God who will come again, and the God who is with us. He is our yesterday God and our tomorrow God, but He is also our Today.

Sometimes I think that I have not drawn close to God. My feet feel as if they are bleeding with the hardness of the road and my lungs ache with the effort of breathing in my search for Him. In those moments I have forgotten the meaning of both the Incarnation and Advent. This seasons reminds me of the power and promise of the God who is real, the God who has come, the God who will come and the God who is with me now. I can find God now, because God was found in Jesus in a specific time and place.

With all of this promise – what is the problem for me? Why do I need to be reminded of God’s once for-all-coming in Christ and His constant coming in the Spirit and His promised return? Well, because His coming can actually feel more like a going! The all powerful became a slave. The hidden God became one of us. He quietly and inconspicuously took up His place amongst us. He walked with us without fuss. Advent reminds me that the first coming, as a baby, and the second, as a king, will be different. God came and walked in order to go so that one day He might come again! He promised He would come – and oh how He came! He took a human life as His own. He became like us in everything – but perfectly. Born of a woman, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. And in dying He took up again the very thing that we fear most – death itself. In dying, He began to deal with what we thought would be ended in His coming. His life, death, resurrection and ascension are all part of His coming! His return is part of His arrival! His going is part of His coming because our going (death) is dealt with forever in His coming (life and death) and coming again!

So as I watched the sun rise, I was reminded of hope and life! I was reminded of Advent – that it is a message of coming, coming again and coming now! Slowly ( as it does most days) the lights dawns again, not just in the sky, but in my heart. God is still in the process of coming. His coming as a baby was but the beginning. The beginning of the redemption and transformation of my frailty, weakness and doubt but more than that – the transformation of every square inch of this planet. And so the strange and most wonderful thing that we remember in Advent is this – Christ will come again! Yet His coming again is connected with that first cry in the manger. And the whisper of the voice of His Spirit to us here and now, to me as I watched the dawn proves something so wonderful that it is beyond words. His first coming and His second coming are held together by this, the greatest of all wonders and the most precious of all gifts, He came to me again as I sat by the schoolroom by His Spirit and He whispered to me:

 

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the end. Behold! I make all things new!

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

On those living in the land of the shadow of death

A light has dawned.

Isaiah 9:2 (NIV)

What came into being through Him was Life,

And His Life was Light to live and flourish by.

The Life-Light brilliantly shines and blazes out of the darkness with purpose and power;

The darkness couldn’t put it out, diminish it, change it, comprehend it, overcome it or defeat it (never could, never can, and never will)

John 1:4 (My own translation)

Who says the Christmas season has to be drowned in commercialism and we need to forget the meaning of Advent? Christ has come - and He will come again - therefore we have hope!

Resting and recovering - an endurance or a blessing?

Hi everyone,

Got home yesterday - which is great. Spent most of yesterday sleeping. I am feeling very, very sore - both my throat and my neck itself - i.e both muscular pain and internal post-operative pain. I am not allowed to speak at all until Sunday/Monday because the growth was much larger than they thought. They could not remove it all because they were worried about causing permamnent damage to the vocal chord if they tried that, so they have cut away as much as possible and have left a small flap to cover the scarring - hence the command to completely rest my voice. Both chords were very swollen and impacted by the presence of the one growth - and it had almost completely closed the gap between the chords. Biopsies have been taken and I am back to get results and discuss the way ahead in the next week - ten days or so. Also await appointments with speech therapists etc, so the decision to cancel all speaking engagements between now and the end of the year was absolutely right - will give me a chance to recover and rest the voice and let healing and restoration take place.

There is no point in worying about what happens next - I have a real sense of God's continued peace and power and presence - and promise of restoration, so please join me in thanking God for that blessing and his love and peace which absolutely remain with me and the family.

The funny thing is that I am communicating with a simple 'etch-a-sketch' type thing that Debbie and the kids bought me. When I started writing with it, they started using it to write back to me! I'm the one that can't talk though - not them! The same has happened with anyone who has used it - funny, eh! I may not be able to talk to you, but you can talk to me!!!

Thank you all for your love, patience, kindness and prayers.

Part of the fabric of life?

Anyway, continuing the reflections on this whole thing, I am so aware of God's grace and peace.

Whether we like it or not, pain is part of the whole fabric of life. To escape suffering completely, we would have to live in some sort of vaccuum - detached from the reality of most people's lives and experiences - like sterilized and cushioned pods, where there was never risk of the unexpected or the experience of real life. If we do no not face trouble, pain or difficulty in our lives, then we would have no need of courage, patience or faith - and we would have no opportunity to grow in these virtues and learn how to become more like Christ. We would also loose the ability to show and have real compassion and empathy. If you do not understand, you cannot trully care - that is why the second person of the Trinity became a man, isn't it - so he could be tempted in all ways, like we are, and he could be 'touched by the feeling of our infirmities'.

 
 
Without pain and struggle, we would never learn from our mistakes or grow through the struggles and hard challenges. Our life and 'goodness' would be like the robotic response of puppets, made to look pretty, but with nothing but wooden hearts and strings to pull us - no freedom, no life, no depth.  The more I try to think of a painless and a flawless world, the more impossible it becomes to think of whilst we live in the midst of a Kingdom which has come in part, but not yet fully. One day the struggles will end, but until that moment, we live in the midst of struggle and are changed by it  - and given the chance to show those around us that God is just as real in the midst of pain as He is in the midst of blessing.

Difficulty and struggle are part of the inescapable mystery of what it is to be fully human and fully alive.

It doesn't make suffering any easier to bear, though. I still protest and fight against pain and struggle when it comes my way. I still want to get out of it as quickly as I can - and I still believe that I can ask God to end it as quickly as possible - but not until He has taught me, and others, of his grace and power in all of life. Of course we tend to complain about how unfair it all appears. We often ask, 'Why did God let this Christian or that Christian struggle with illness or pain or tragedy?' We can reduce God to a petty wonder worker who looks after his favourites and forgets the rest.  Some Christian theologies make God into a puppet and us into the puppet masters, with the church being a consumer based convenience store. God is a heavenly resue service who can be called upon to do what we want, when we want, how we want, with the currency being our faith rather than his grace.

This seems to be a far cry from the call of Jesus to give our all, take up our cross and to follow him. Sometimes discipleship leads us into more struggle, not less. God has not abandoned those who go through pain - he is not detached, he is not distant and he is not uninterested. He is with those who struggle and suffer as much as he is with those who do not. The absence of suffering and struggle doesn't equate to the absence of God's grace and power and love. 

Faith to endure is as important as faith to escape.

Meeting God in the midst of health challenges - an update on my personal situation

Hi Everyone,

I can't begin to express how grateful I am to you all for your love, help, support and prayers for me over the last few weeks. As you know, on the 30th September I was told that there was a growth on one of my vocal chords. About ten days ago they discovered some more on the same chord - and I am undergoing surgery this Wednesday (4th November) in the morning at Basingstoke Hospital. I'd appreciate your prayers for the continued peace of God throughout this time. I will be unable to speak at all for just under a week and my preaching engagements have been cancelled until the end of the year. This will be the longest time I have gone without preaching in 22 years! I will be 'up and at 'em' in the New Year though.

Things we don't choose but have to deal with.

Obviously I would rather this was not happening to me - and part of me has been frustrated about the timing of these events and the surgery - but in it all I know a deep, deep sense of the peace and the purposes of God. I will be keeping those who want to be updated informed via the blog - as speaking will be difficult - so you can keep in touch with me here directly on the blog or via facebook - your choice as my blog is fed to my facebook pages anyway. There are loads of things in our lives we would not choose to happen - but have to deal with. Some of my friends battle with MS and cancer. Some of my congregation have to make an effort just to survicve every day. Yet thier lives reflect a beauty and a power and an intensity that many of us can only be left speechless by. I wouldn't choose to have had my wife struggle with her health over the last ten years, or my son battle a lung condition, or my father drop dead - but they happened. I can't (won't!) pretend that these challenges were easy, nor will I 'confess them into unreality' which is what some folk would like me to do.

Whether we like it or not, life hits us with unexpected 'stuff!' We can't just close our eyes and wish for something different and call it 'faith'! Nor should we wallow in a defeatist place where we think nothing can change - that is just fatalism. Surely the Christian response to 'stuff happening' is to remember the power of God at work in our lives and remind ourselves that our 'victory' is not dependent upon external events or circumstances - but instead is solidly grounded in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Where is God in this?

I have had thousands of people praying for me - and it is so humbling and wonderful to know that so many people care - thank you. What is slightly befuddling is the way in which so many people praying can be be praying such different things! Some believe this to be an attack of the devil to shut me up, others believe it to be a rebuking work of God because of overwork. So on the one hand I've had people praying that the surgery won't be required and on the other people praying that I will be silent for a long period of time (!) What do you do when people seem to pray contradictory things? Well, my view has been simple - if people want to pray - then I am just grateful for your prayers. Pray as you feel led and God will sort out the way in which He answers. I am open to receiving a word of encouragement, support, rebuke or comfort from any who know Him and know me and welcome prayer from any saint of God - His Spirit lives in you as much as me, so pray as you feel directed. He will sort it out. You pray as you feel led - but that doesn't mean that you are praying the same thing as me! God is the ultimate power and the One who decides how he will answer and when. I am content to leave the challenge of sorting out the 'why's' and the 'wherefores' and the answers with him. I'm more in love with God than I have ever been, I am hungrier for more of his reality in my life than I have ever been - and I trust him to do what is right in his own perfect timing. In the midst of all the questions I know I am held in the hands of the answer - and that is enough.

That being said, I do have a sense of what God is saying to me in this. Fundamentally I believe in and trust God's sovereignty. Nothing can happen in my life that is beyond his control. What may have started as an attack of the enemy can be used as a blessing from the Lord (Joseph the Patriarch got it right you know - what others intend for harm, God can use for good). I believe that the surgery will go ahead on Thursday, that they will find polyps and/ or nodules created as a result of both overuse and bad use of my voice. They will remove them and I will be forced into a period of quiet and silence. And I believe this is God drawing me into a time of new intimacy and listening with him. I have absolutely no fear of the surgery and a strong assurance of God being with me. I believe he is at the centre of this episode in my life, not at the edge of it. I am trusting him, at peace in his purposes and resting in his continued presence and love. If they find something more sinister, then it doesn't change who God is and what he has said about me in his word. Whether things go well or not in my eyes on Wednesday, God will be with me. Of course I pray that the problems will be solved - but at the same time I know that God's love for me is not dependent on him giving me what I want or what you want. He will do what is best, even if I don't understand it. 

Jesus is Lord

The fulcrum of my faith is not 'God will do what I want'! The fulcrum of my faith is the declaration 'Jesus is Lord.' Therefore whatever happens, he can be trusted. I'm praying for a time of intimacy with God after the op. I'm asking God to give me creativity and a sense of extra special listening to him. I'm asking God to help me not to rush away from this time, but to linger and hear all he has to say and understand all that he wants to do.

Standing with me in prayer 

So if you would like direction from me about how to pray, here it is:

• Thank God for his uncompromising victory in my life and the lives of all who know and trust him.
• Thank him for allowing me to have this time to be quiet and listen - and for the promise that in this time he will speak to me (PSalm 46 has been very powerful for me in thinking this through)
• Pray that some writing I have planned will be done well and effectively.
• Pray also that I will be able to listen to the voice of the God in this time - I have set time aside to also pray daily for those in my pastoral care at the churches that I lead - please pray that I am able to hear God and bring them something of His heart and encouragement.
• Lastly, please pray for my wife and four children, that we will work out creative and fun ways of communicating with one another - and that we will enjoy this time of togetherness.

A lesson from Moses.

When Moses was called to lead Israel, he complained to God about not being able to speak - and God responded by reminded Moses that God was the one who made people hear or speak, or made them deaf or unable to speak. That is a helpful reminder to us all that God is ultimately with us and in control of anything and everything that comes against us or that we see as an 'adversity'. God is with me, he will release me to speak when he is ready and there are thousands of ways for me to communicate with him, you and others in the meantime.

I think we can far too often miss the grace of God in our lives because it is not painted with the pastel colours of obvious blessing. Sometimes God paints in darker colours on my canvas. The colours of adversity, challenge, and illness. He uses these colours to create depth and weight in my life, and he allows me to pass through valleys and dark times so that I can become more like Jesus, sharper in my focus and better at managing my time. My voice was given to me by God and it is his to silence, his to release and his to amplify as he sees fit. So even when the churches I lead want my voice restored, God will do it in his own good time. And even with no voice physically, there are other ways of being heard - like blogs!

Other ways of communicating.

During this time I am working on a new book, which my publishers and I are really excited about. I believe the words that I write can be used powerfully - and I am looking forward to hearing God in all of this. Although no words will be coming out of my mouth, they will be flowing from my heart! I'm working on a module for a mission organisation too, and I will be writing reflections, articles and daily prayer notes, updates and thoughts. So if you are a member of The Chapel @ Mortimer West End, Warham Community Church or part of the charity I lead, 'Church and Community' then make sure you are signed up to the feed on my blog or on Facebook, then you can be updated as stuff comes online.

I know God is going to speak to me, and I look forward to speaking with you via the web - and through the blog. I'd love to keep you up to speed and to hear from you over these coming weeks - and the blog is the place to do it - or maybe twitter - or maybe not! Anyway, thanks for your prayers and love. I'll keep you updated as best I can.

So where is God when things go wrong?

So my question is - where is God when things go wrong? My answer is - right where he always said he would be - in me, with me, before me, behind me and around me - what do you think? Can God use illness? Surely he is as present in the midst of the suffering and challenges that we face as he is outside of them? Not only that, but I also think I grow most in the times of darkness and challenge, not when everything is going easy. I've seen far to many people I love and respect made to feel like they are second rate or have a weak faith because they face trials. Rubbish! God calls us to dignify our trials, to be transformed in them and changed by them, not to rush away from them and pretent they aren't there - doesn't he? My prayer is that God will take me through this situation as quickly as possible, but that he will not let me rush away from it without learning all there is to learn about him in it, and becoming more like Jesus as a result. I want to dignify the trial, not rebuke a work of Satan, which may be a work of the Lord! Surely, that is the important thing? God is not glorified in suffering - he is glorified as he respond to suffering in a way that demonstrates our belief and trust that not matter what happens - JESUS IS LORD.

Praying for you.

Last thing - I am going to be spending extra time praying - so if I can pray for you in this time of silence, then let me know. Would be a privilege and a joy to stand with you.

What do you think?

Response to 'Quality and Equality: Human rights, Public Services and Religious Organisations'

I have this evening posted a response to the British Humanist Association's report 'Quality and Equality: Human Rights, Public Services and Religious Organisations'. You can find it on our website - which is www.faithworks.info

Please take a few moments to read my response and let me know what you think. The role and and contribution of faith groups to the welfare and social needs of communities across the length and breadth of the UK is undeniable. The BHA report suggests that faith bodies are not fit or appropriate agencies to deliver these services. I fundamentally disagree and fear that the report of the BHA caricatures both humanists (which is unfortunate given the invaluable contribution of many humanists to society and communities across the UK) and Faith communities (for exactly the same reasons).

The BHA report smacks more of polemic than reasoned argument and I would value your views on two key questions.

1. Do you think faith groups can deliver good public services?
2. If they are removed from public service provision, what would you do with the immense gulf and financial crisis that would confront the UK Welfare system as a result?