Thin Places: Listening for the whispered roar of God in our lives and our world

God Gazer from Spring Harvest

A clip of a poem I used earlier this year at Spring Harvest (2010). Hope it encourages you. Stay connected to God and let Him change the world through you.

God bless

Join me for the induction at Gold Hill Baptist Church - in person or via the web.

 

 

Hi Everyone,

This Saturday (18th September) I will be inducted as the new senior pastor of Gold Hill Baptist Church in Chalfont St Peter, Bucks. It promises to be an amazing time - and I would be thrilled if you can join us. The service begins at 6:30pm, with doors opening at 6:15pm. 

If you are too far away and would like to join us for the live webcast of the induction, then you can do so by simply clicking on this link: Malcolm Duncan's Induction

Six Days and Counting - How Should I Vote?

 

Like me, I guess you have been thinking, praying and deliberating about how to vote. It hasn't been an easy process for me and I think some of the things I will say in my posting will be a little unpopular - but here goes anyway. I have tried to work through, as I do each time I am asked to vote, some of the core principles and decision-making filters that I believe will help me to make a Spirit-led decision.

Principle One: Who will benefit, support and protect the poor and the marginalised most effectively.

Whilst lots of Christians think that the most important question to ask as they come to a ballot box is 'will my vote protect the church', I don't see that as the top priority in the New Testament or the Old. Don't misunderstand me - I think we need to be careful to campaign for the protection of our civil liberties etc - but I think that we can get things the wrong way round. God's prophetic demands of Israel and the clarion call of the life, example and teaching of Christ, is that we should honour God - of course that is true. But the immediate outworking of that is the way in which we treat our neighbour rather than the protections we secure for ourselves. To put our needs, desires and well being above the needs of the poor, the excluded and the marginalised, seems to be to contradict the teaching of the Great Commandment (Matthew 22); the call to be Incarnational (John 13 and John 15) and the example and call to Kenosis (Philippians 2). 

We all know that there are going to be extremely austere times ahead, and that whoever comes to power is going to have to introduce swinging tax increases and severe public spending cuts. Given that those with a traditional conservative view believe that tax should be cut to enable a release of private spending and investment, those with a traditional socialist view believe that there should be a more centrally managed approach to wealth re-distribution through taxation and those with a traditional liberal political theology believe in the reduction of the state and the greatest good for the greatest number, I choose to believe that across the political spectrum there is a genuine desire to do something to protect the weak, the excluded and the vulnerable during the next few years. 

If that is a given (and you might be call me niaive in making this assumption), I want to cast a vote that will afford the greatest protection to those who are most exposed and vulnerable. In short, I want to understand exactly how the austere decade ahead will be managed - and none of the parties are answering that question with honesty and integrity. I'm dismayed that the principle of wealth redistribution hasn't really been discussed with vigour. I want to know how the poorest will be protected from inevitable interest rate rises, cuts to essential services and the inevitable job losses that might ensue. I want to know what the parties will do to enable support and protection of those at the bottom of the pile, from disabled children to low skilled and low paid workers. I also want to know how we will deal with immigration without vilifying asylum seekers or those who have a genuine concern about mis-managed economic migration. We can't pretend it isn't an issue nor can we simply endorse attitudes that are driven by fear rather than fairness. Why did it take Gillian Duffy being insulted for this to get onto ANY of the leaders' agendas?

I'm not impressed with the lack of information on these issues and it leaves me frustrated. Having read the three manifestos, the Liberals explain most fully what they do - but they still over cover a tiny portion of the stringency that we will need to embrace if we are to navigate the straights of economic constriction we will face.

Principle Two: Which party will uphold truth, transparency and accountability.

My second key principle for deciding how to vote relates to the party's policies on accountability, honesty and truthfulness. Given the complete and utter debacle of the last few years around expenses etc, I want to know that there will be a major overhaul of the systems and protocols of central government. This doesn't just relate to how people behave in the commons. I want to know how truthfulness will be encouraged and integrity be strengthened. The whole thing is brought into focus when we hear of politicians saying one thing in public and another in private. Of course, Gordon Brown should not be castigated as the only such politician just because he was caught. The reality is that whilst I have met many senior politicians and have always felt that each one came into public life to make a difference - whatever their party allegiances, I have also become very concerned by the lack of accountability, the prevalence of spin and the incessant avoidance of issues of integrity, honesty and trust-worthiness. I have never felt as 'unconfident' about the candour and honesty of leading politicians as I do now. That is a serious crisis for a committed social democrat like me.

For the first time in my life, I actually strongly considered not voting in this election. Of course I will - and I can hear your voices rising in horror at the the thought that I would even think about not voting. The truth is though, my confidence in senior politicians has been so undermined in the last few years that I came desperately close to abandoning a deeply held principle that I must always vote. In the end, my commitment to be part of the solution and my determination to stand up and make a difference led me to the decision that I will vote - but the process has been harder than it has ever been.

I want to believe in politicians. I want to know that they won't break manifesto promises. I need to be assured that they will be accountable to the electorate. I want the power to recall my MP if they step out of line. I want to know that decisions about spending, war, housing and education will be made with integrity honesty and genuine concern for the good of society. I am fed up with politicians who put their own well-being and the well-being of heir own parties above those of the country. 

So integrity and truthfulness is about more than expenses - it is about a system of election which is fairer, it is about a re-formed Second Chamber, it is about greater accountability of elected members and it is about an assurance that major decisions will be made in consultation rather than in isolation and in silos of the political elite - detached and remote from the anxieties and fears of real people.

I think a great start would be a stronger and clearer commitment to Nolan's principles for public life - which were supposed to strengthen the responsibilities and behaviour of those in public life - but where have they gone and what has happened to conversations about integrity and truth.

Principle Three: How will families be protected?

I am not just talking about the traditional family of a husband and wife and children, I am talking about families. Of course, as a Christian, I believe that the very best and God-given ideal for families is one with a husband and wife  bringing up children in a loving and stable environment. Marriages need to be protected and strengthened - and with all the rhetoric from the parties none of them have even scratched the surface of protecting and strengthening the family. Taxation support, required counselling prior to divorce, and acknowledgement of the centrality of the unit of marriage at the heart of our society would all help - or at least make a start. How will government make divorce less easy? Alongside that, investment in pre-marital counselling and a campaign encouraging people to consider marriage might help. We as churches could make marriage easier too - by suppling low cost ways of helping couples marry and keep the financial outlay down etc.

That might sound draconian - I don't mean it to. Instead, I also want to understand how the parties will support single mums and dads - those who have ended up in a family where one parent is trying to do the job of two. Investment in support for children in such families and the reversal of some ridiculous ideas that negate or remove the importance of fathers and mothers would be a great place to start.

Principle Four: Which party has a consistent approach to the dignity of life.

The massive shift in thinking in churches to social action and engagement has been a huge blessing - and I welcome it. But I also want to know what the new government will do to protect the dignity of life. That involves serious reconsideration of current limits on the points at which abortions can take place, the informal relaxation around passive euthanasia and the apparent softening in the courts of the law concerning assisted suicide and dying. It feels inconsistent to me to have a view around the poor and the marginalised which is so strong, and then to dismiss the issues around the dignity of life at the beginning and the end of a human being's life journey. I'm sad that so many seem to have allowed the issues of the dignity of life become divided into things that we speak out on and things that we do not.

How will a new government apply a consistent life ethic in issues of abortion and euthansia as well as in support to those who struggle in life? The rights of the unborn are as important to me as the rights of the born. The rights of the disabled, the terminally ill and the vulnerable are as important as the rights of the healthy and the strong. 

Principle Five: How will the freedoms of the church be protected.

I am used to the mantras and comments from politicians that tell me they welcome the church's works and projects. I have spoken with most the senior figures in political parties across the years. I applaud and thank them for their acknowledgement of the importance of the church's social contribution to society. It isn't enough though. The solid, central reason for the work that we do is our allegiance to the Lord Jesus. We believe in social action - of course we do, but we also believe that we should be free to talk about the motivation and the inspiration of the Lord Jesus. 

I have listened with great interest to comments about 'faith' communities in the election campaign. I've watched the videos (the 'Christians in Politics' one is really good) of leaders courting our vote. 

Yet I haven't heard an acknowledgement that our faith matters as much as our actions. I will not vote for a party that forces me to hide my faith, pretend that my motivation is incidental and can be removed or suggests that my believe in the unqiue message of the Christian Gospel that 'Jesus is Lord'. I celebrate the freedom and diversity in Britain - but that diversity must include the freedom for me, as a follower of the Lord Jesus to share His message not only in my actions, but in preaching, evangelism and mission. Of course I do not want the government to fund my evangelism - but I do expect them to afford me the civil liberties and freedoms to both proclaim the message of Christ and demonstrate it in my actions and approaches to social engagement. I'm not a pluralist, I'm not going to pretend that my allegiance to Christ is a secondary issue.

In short, how will the parties afford me as a Christian the respect and freedom of speech and action that I am asked (and willingly agree) to afford to fellow citizens. Controversial as it may be - I want the freedom to live, speak and act as a follower of Christ in the same way as Muslims are afforded freedom.

So there are my five key principles which I have been prayerfully considering and thinking through - and I haven't decided yet! What is your framework for voting?

God-Gazer

 

Hi Everyone,

 

A massive thank you to everyone who has commented so positively on this poem, which I wrote recently. Feel free to download it and do what you want with it.

 

God bless you all - if you want to check out the charity that I lead and what we do, then click here -you can make an enquiry about me preaching there to, which many of you have been asking me about by text or email.

 

God bless you all

 

Malcolm Duncan 

God-Gazer

 

I want to be a God-gazer,

captured by the brilliance

that springs from the radiance

of You.

 

I want to be a God-gazer!

Not a cheap food grazer

or an easy option lazer.

I want to be a trail-blazer

for the ordinary, everyday life.

 

I want to be a God-gazer -

not just copying the halcyon ways

that shimmer brighter in the haze

of by-gone rays and the good old days.

 

I want to be a God-gazer!

Looking beyond the trappings of success,

cutting through the stucco of respectability

like a laser piercing darkness.

 

I want to be a God-gazer!

Reaching for the stars and

seeing beauty in the moment by

becoming fluent in the language

of the God Who is here, Who is now.

 

I want to be a God-gazer

until my imagination is saturated;

until my thirst is sated;

until my passion is stirred;

until my intellect is stretched

as far as it can be;

until my yearning yearns

for others to be free.

 

I want to be a God-gazer -

not a meetings manager

or a people pleaser

or a 'tea and sympathy' vicar -

not a leadership trainer,

not just a speaker

but a seeker.

 

I want to be a God-gazer...

and for a moment I want God

to gaze through me.

I want others to see

His eyes

Heart

Mind

and Love

above everything else in me.

 

I want to be a God-gazer

captured by the brilliance

that springs from the radiance

of You.

 

Life-giver!

I want to be a Life-giver

not a life-sucker.

I want my life to be releasing

not appeasing or placating.

 

I want to be a Life-giver,

A drainpipe without blockages,

A circuit without stoppages,

A connector without breakages.

 

I want to be a Life-giver!

A 'you can do it' releaser,

A 'have a go' preacher,

A 'you were born to do this' pastor.

 

I want to be a Life-giver -

Seeing rivers flow, not die,

Seeing others rise and fly,

Helping friends reach for the stars

even if they sometimes miss.

At least they can say they tried.

 

I want to be a Life-giver,

Generous in spirit and in heart,

Letting the forgotten make a start

at being Life-givers, too.

 

I want to be a Life-giver

because I am a God-gazer

not because it's about me

but because it's about Him

because life can't spring

from any other 'thing'.

 

I want to be a Life-giver

connected to the Source

and pointing to the Son -

standing in the shadow of the Light

celebrating Him.

 

World-changer.

I want to be a World-changer

not just a furniture re-arranger

or an 'it could be better' winger

or a 'have the left overs' stinger.

 

I want to be a World-changer!

A doer, not just a talker.

I want to spread the clothes of heaven,

No more or less than a poor man's dreams,

beneath the feet of Jesus.

 

I want to be a World-changer -

'Cos on a morning many winters ago

the tomb was open

and the curse was broken.

Death had to let go

and re-creation burst out

of an old wineskin

like water from a geyser,

Like the cry of a child

pushed into the world

and nothing

would shut Him up.

 

I want to be a World-changer

because it's started...

because the vanguards on the move...

and love is pushing out hate

and light is shining out

and darkness can't understand it

beat it

change it

hide it

kill it

stop it

win.

 

I want to be a World-changer

because there's safety in this danger.

There's meaning in this purpose.

There's joy in this mission

and too many others are missing

the power of life in all its fullness.

 

World-changer? Life-giver? God-gazer.

God, break in - then break out

Fill - then make me leak.

Plug me in and push me out.

In me, through me, around me.

Make me a Patrick.

Make me a Brendan.

God-gazing, life-giving, world-changing.

Captured by the brilliance

that springs from the radiance

of You.

Malcolm Duncan

January 2010

(c) Malcolm Duncan

For more info, please contact malcolm@churchandcommunity.org

Take a look at this great blog site

Hey folks - here's a great link to advent reflections on Christine Sine's blog - well worth a look. Christine is a remarkable follower of Jesus and is passionate about issues of justice and social concern. I count it a privilege to commendt the site and Christine's ministry to you.

http://godspace.wordpress.com/2009/12/09/second-wednesday-of-advent-what-does-copenhagen-have-to-do-with-jerusalem/

Copenhagen and Jersualem- Vocast for Advent

 

Check out the vodcast on YouTube

What does Copenhagen have to do with Jerusalem?

 

What does 'Advent' have to do with Climate Change? To put it another way and to borrow an analogy from a Church Father - what does Copenhagen have to do with Jersualem? To understand the connection, we need to first understand Advent.

Advent is no longer noticed - let alone observed! The season of longing, yearning and repentance has been replaced by an ever earlier marketting strategy for Christmas. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE Christmas and look forward to it every year - but I also love advent. I don't like Christmas beginning at the end of October, though! I don;t think we have banished advent just because of commercialism, though - I think Christians have become so secularised that we have abandoned the challenge of advent.

This isn't the fault of tele-evangelists and pedlers of cheap, easy religion and a 'come to Jesus and He'll do whatever you want, whenever you need Him to' mentality. I don't want to have a 'pop' at the gifts and the lights and the family feel of Christmas - and I don't want to sound like a charismatic 'scrouge' bemoaning the society I am part of. Far from it - I thinl the reason we have largely ditched advent is because we don't understand it anymore.

What is Advent?

Some clues might be found in one of the figures that is associated with it - John the Baptist. 'Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand' he thunders (Matthew 3:2). Mark says John 'appeared' in the wilderness preaching a baptism of repentance and forgiveness of sins. when John was thrown in jail, Jesus also is noted this way, 'From that time on Jesus began to preach, saying, 'Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand' (Matthew 4:17). Jesus also told his disciples to preach the same thing.

Advent, it seems to me, is much more about reflection and repentance and vulnerability than Christmas. Advent is about renewal and honesty in and about ourselves, in the light of Christ's promised return. But we shouldn't turn 'repentance' of John's sort into a purely private matter - it's about a whole creation being brought back into right relationship with and right order before God. John is clear about the reason for this repentance - God's Kingdom is coming, God is sorting things out (eschatology for those who want a big word before supper!) John is like an old fashioned watchman warning people, princes and principalities and powers that the coming of the Lamb of God signifies the beginning of the end for a crumbling order of selfishness, greed and pride. He is giving notice of war with sin - personal, communal and corporate.

Advent, therefore, is perhaps one of the most political seasons of the Christian year - and this year the Copenhagen Summit on climate change happens right in the middle of it.

Our faliure to understand this season is connected with our lack of understanding of the connection between the First Coming of Christ and the Second Advent. Persistent quietism of pastors, preachers an teachers about the Second Coming has led to a detached and hostile approach to the world and our place in it. We have departed from the biblical narrative of a redeemed and renewed earth which will be finalised and completed by Christ at His return but was begun when He first came - leaving us the exciting role of being 'inbetweeners' - people who live in the glorious rays of the first coming and the clear hope of the second with the commission to be kingdom bringers. Instead, we like to think of a departure, a leaving behind the rotten world and its mess and living somewhere 'out there'  free from all responsibility of care for the planet. Of course such simplistic theology is amplified through teh speakers of series such as 'Left Behind' novels and preachers whose passion is to pinpoint a date for departure rather than remind us of the responsibility to serve, invest and spend ourselves for the people around us and the planet which God has entrusted to us. Perhaps the greatest criticism of much of the church in the 20th and 21st century will be the absolute failure of most of us to take our responsibilities for the planet and its people seriously enough. The one God called to be stewards have become squanderers.

As a result, we have allowed the powerful influence of the promised return of Christ to be hijacked by quacks, astrologers, and weird cults and theories (some within the 'church). The connection between the two advents needs to be re-discovered - and in doing so we re-discover something of our own calling and direction.

In the comings of Jesus (first and second) the nations, principalities and powers and judged - and defeated, by God's Word to us. In Christ's lordship all of the earth and all of the heavens and everything else is rendered accountable. A response from us to the state of the world is not requested by Christ - the advents demand it. To quote John 'bear fruit that befit repentance.'

Another key figure in Advent is Mary. Her words are even more political than John

He has put down the mighty from their thrones and has exalted those of low degree; He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away enpty (Luke 1:52-54)

Climate change is largely man made and its injustice means that the squandering of the rich and powerful has forced the poor and dispossessed to suffer even more. We are answerable to the Returning King for this travesty and complete reversal of the purpose and message of the coming of Christ - and He will ask us why we did not respond to His Word.

In the first advent, Christ the Lord comes into the world, in the next advent, Christ the Lord comes as Judge of all the world, its thrones, powers, kings, prime ministers, politicans, pretenders, sovereigns, dominions, principalities, authorities, presidencies, regimes, scientists, philosophers and people. What a travesty if we, His people, end up in the place where we ignore His teaching on our responsibilities. He comes as the God of creation - but He also comes as the God of History - the God who sees and knows all things.

This is what our society (and perhaps even we as His followers) re-act against - yet it is the hope that should keep us going and hold light before us as the world 'melts' - but we must remember that we live between two advents.

God help us to be sensible in Copenhagen and view it in the glaring light not only of Bethlehem, where Your Son was born, but also Jersualem, where He died and one day will stand again.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

Hi everyone, in a season of deep longing for renewal and intimacy with the God who has come once and will come again, I find some of the traditional hymns most moving - including this one.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Longing - reflection on advent

Hi everyone. I have put a YOUTUBE clip at the bottom of this entry that I'd love you to watch - but here's why.

Advent is a season of longing. It's a time of the year for me, as a follower of Jesus, to think about the promises of God and His work in my life - and His assurances to me. It is also a period when I can reflect on all that has gone on in my own journey with God and allow space and time for reflection, repentance and renewal.

This morning, I stood in the midst of the frost and the cold and simply remembered. Beneath the surface of the cold, hard ground around me, life remained strong and hidden. The plants and trees around me have shed their leaves, casting off the garments of last summer and focussing their energies and strength on deepening their roots and sucking up the energy and nutrients they need from the earth. Advent is like that for me, I think. What of last year has to be discarded? What words and actions need to be allowed to whiter and fall away, like leaves falling lifeless from the branches of trees? What can I learn from last year - what nutrients do I need to soak into my life so that I might be more effective in my service of Christ - and perhaps most importantly, I can become more like Him? Old attitudes and assumptions that need to be changed - areas of my theology that need to grow more, reach out more, broaden? I am now convinced that if my theology has not changed then I have not grown.

But advent is also a season of longing - yearning. It's a time for me when, full of hope and expectation of God I allow the deep longing of my spirit to reach out to God in a new way. I am not talking about the kind of longing that we often think of as 'normal'. This isn't like the 'longing' for a holiday or the 'longing' to have something new in my home, or a strong desire to do something for the first time, or visit the theatre or have a meal in a certain restaurant. No - I mean much more than that. I'm talking about the longing, the deep-seated yearning that knows deep within that there is more of God to see and understand and experience. It's like a thirst in the desert, or the desperation for air you feel when you have been swimming under water for too long. A deep, primal ache for more of life, more of reality, more of God to be known and felt and encountered. I have had enough of theologies that box God into cerebral cells or confine him to purely emotional cul-de-sacs. I don't want a relationship with God that looks disdaingly on experience. Nor do I want a theology that is driven by emotion and feelings and treats thinking and reflection like some kind of nasty virus that best belongs in the hankerchief of humanism and philosophy. It is not so much that I simply 'want' God - I think each Advent brings me to a deeper realisation that without Him, I cannot live.

My longing is for life beyond existence, for depth beyond veneer, for hope beyond circumstances and for a spirituality that goes way beyond superficial platitudes or confessions or liturgies or choruses or tongue-speaking. My yearning is for a fresh revelation of the God in whose hands my very breath is. I want to stand on a cold morning, with the frost carresing the ground and the cold air invading my lungs and I want to be able to put my head back and close my eyes and know beyond knowing that the reality of the presence and power of God is every bit as real as the air I breathe and the ground I stand on. I want my faith to deepen and grow and my intimacy to be more intimate. I want my commitment to good works to extend beyond obligation and my engagement in worship to reach into the darkest recesses of my mind and heart and experience and shed new light on dark corners. I want my prayers to flow out of a heart that yearns to give God more praise and a more central place in my heart. I want to pull down altars that have been built where only God's throne should sit. I want my circumstances to be submitted to my faith that God is real, His presence is here and his commitment to me never changes. I want advent to be a time when the deep-seated cry of desperation inside me is released with emotion and power and intensity and is allowed to break through all the 'stuff' that so often keeps it in its place. I want the cry 'I love you Lord' to be from the very core of my being and I want it to fracture my fortitude, shatter my self-centredness and break my beligerence. I want advent to be a time of risk-taking, dangerous faith when I see again that God can do anything, anywhere with anyone. I want advent to help me see the cloud the size of a man's hand in my life and the lives of my friends that reminds me that God has not finished with me or with them yet.  I want advent to be a fresh dawning of hope, a new and dazzling day for the Kingdom, a pulling down of the powers of darkness and continual firework of faith. I want advent to set the tinsel ablaze with a passion for holiness, I want it to invade unhelpful divides between the 'secular' and 'sacred'. I want it to upset my applecart, to push me into the centre of the will of God and drag me, even if it is kicking and screaming, away from my comfort and into a place of absolute dependence on God. I want to go further, reach deeper, understand more, experience more genuinely, reflect more clearly, the grace and wonder and majesty of God. I want to sing 'O Come, O Come, Emmanue' not just with my voice, but with my whole life and heart and soul and spirit. I want to run into an ocean of God and swim in Him, completely dependent upon His grace and power and love. I don't care what people think. I don't care who mocks me. I want to close my ears to the conservative critics who tell me I to hold things in balance. I don't want to be 'reserved'! I don't want to hold anything back. I don't want to be polite about my love for God. I want to surrender more, to give more, to love more deeply, to rejoice more fully, to praise more passionately, to live more outrageously for Him.

Joel Houston captures it in 'I'll stand' - enjoy

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
And what can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
My life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
And what can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

 

 

Been to the doctor

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick update. Been to see the consultant this morning. All seems okay. The operation scar is healing very well - with minimal thicening in the area around the site of the operation on the vocal chord. I have too see them again in around eight weeks because they need to keep an eye on my voice and on the vocal chords themselves - and are doing some additional tests on the material they removed - but all seems to be well and there is nothing to panic or worry about at the moment. I will also need quite a bit of speech therapy - and they are telling me to be VERY careful in the use of my voice. Overall, positive news though - and a real answer to prayer.

I can speak wuite well with limited volume and strength now - and am permitted to do some speaking but not a lot. So as long as I am well amplified, avoid getting too excited (!) and promise not to either whipser or raise my voice (both are equally bad!!!) I will be able to do some chairing of meetings, and a little teaching and preaching between now and the end of the year. I am also on track to honour my preaching engagements from January 1st onward - but I do need to be very cvareful not to strain or overuse my voice (!)

Apparently speech therapists are one of the most pressured resoures in the NHS at the moment and therefore the wait to see one is severe. My case is marked as urgent and yet still means a wait of around two - three months. In the meantime I am released to speak - but very carefully and avoiding strain and overuse.

Thank you

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. As I continue down this road, I rejoice in the wonderful, wonderful grace of God and love of His people. Couldn't have made the journey without you all - you are a blessing.

Blog entries.

Loads of you have encouraged me to continue to use the blog and update it - so I have a bit of a suggestion for you about an online community for prayer, reflection and discipleship. I'd post something for discussion, prayer and reflection once a week, with a daily encouragement, devotion or reflection to fit the theme - then we'd relfect, share, discuss, pray and hopefully grow - would you be interested? Let me know...

Saying Sorry.

Kevin Rudd has done it again - and I believe is to be commended for it. Today, at Parliament House, the Australian PM apologised to the 'Forgotten Aurtalians' for the pain inflicted on them by tortuous and abusive treatment when they were forcibly moved to Australia over forty years ago. All indications are that the British PM, Gordon Brown, will apologise in the New Year - a move which was made easier today by the first stage of the process taking place - a visit to the British High Commission by some of the survivors. When Rudd came to office he also issued a national apology to the Aboriginies - another brave and welcome move. Last week, Gordon Brown apologised to Mrs Janes for the way she had been hurt by his letter to her after her son Jamie Janes, death in Afghanistan. Mrs Janes was (in my view) shamelessly and cruelly manipulated by The Sun newspaper - but no apology from them?

Why do we so often find it hard to apologise? Is it because we have created a society and culture where acceptance of making a mistake equates to admission of weakness? And why is it that we expect out leaders to be perfect? I think the ability to accept when you get it wrong and to learn from it is an indication of a growth in maturity and leadership ability - not a bar from leadership. We often call for apologies from our leaders, then we get them, cry out that their mistakes make them unfit to lead. Why? Which human being hasn't made a mistake? Which one of us grows without failing? I know I don't.

Maybe we find apologies hard because we feel like we always have to get it right. Maybe we find them hard because we actually belief we never make mistakes! Maybe we find them hard, though, because we have allowed ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking failure is fatal.  If it is, then we are all doomed. Failing to learn is fatal - and if we have created a culture (politically, socially, educationally or spiritually) where we disdain faliure and turn our backs on those who get it wrong, then we would have barred some of the greatest and most wonderful men and women from ever acheiving. This isn't just a sociological or political point - it's a deeply theological one too. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, David, Hezekiah, Moses, Paul, Peter, Andrew, Mary Magdalene, Euodia, Syntache - the list is endless. People who have never failed have never lived.

I don't need to look too far down my own history and track record to see mistakes and failures. But if we let them, every one will make us better people - more able to lead, stronger, clearer and with increased integirty. Apologies may be bad for our egos - but maybe what is bad for our ego is sometimes good for our soul? I'd rather have a leader who was able to say sorry when it mattered than a leader who never felt the need to say sorry at all. But maybe we are to blame for the fear of apologies (both within and outwith the Church) after all, cultures and moods are not created by others - they are created (and maintained) by us.

All this apology thinking got me thinking too - and led me to some pretty challenging questions. What could or should we, as a nation, apologise for? Our role in crusades? The Highland clearances? The failure to support the Irish in the Great famine? The way we marginalise some asylum seekers? Exploitation of an underclass? Bloody Sunday? Miscarriages of justice? We could debate all those things till the cows come home.

What about the Church? Have we anything to say sorry for? Exclusivity? Behaving like a club for the privileged few instead of a family for the forgotten? Failing to practise what we preach? Ignoring the cries of the poor in our communities? Self-righteous aggrandisement of our own little empires at the expense of God's Kingdom? Talking about Jesus but not living like Him? Permitting discipleship to become something that we think we learn in our heads without it affecting our wallets and hands and feet? Again, the list could go on and on.

But perhaps the most important question - the greatest challenge we have to face is not the question of governments, national identities and the responsibilities of 'The Church' but the piercing question that we are each confronted with in the darkness of the night and the cold light of dawn - in what ways have I failed to love God with all my heart and mind soul and strength and my neighbour as myself. The journey toward a  genuinely open approach to apologies, repentance and humility doesn't start somewhere else, I think. It starts in my heart.